In my last post I shared a poem about my life purpose which has been a beautiful thing for me and also challenging. I find myself anxious to escape the present by building castles in the air, grand ideas about living more closely with nature or generating widespread change.
There are practical things I’ve been doing – running deep ecology workshops, deepening my personal connection with myself as nature, and writing this blog. When I look at the list it seems like a lot, I love the things I have done so far but I want to do so much more. I want to make this way of being the heart of my life, not just something I do on the weekend. So ‘what is’ butts up against ‘what could be.’
My grand plans are often unrealistic, they are personally or professionally unsustainable, they are far beyond my current skill set or they just don’t have the kind of momentum needed to get them off the ground. The last workshop I ran barely had minimum numbers and it only went ahead because I decided I was going to do it no matter what and my parents came along (thanks guys). This all sounds like I’m clipping my own wings but what I’m trying to get at is that this journey I’m on is a cocreation.
I genuinely want to create something that is larger than myself, that is of service to the Earth. I am beginning to understand that what I need to do is hold the ideas, record them, honour them, share them with other people but stay open to what wants to emerge. I could get a grand idea, unite people under my vision and push it to fruition by sheer force of will but what I’m much more interested in is participating in a shared vision that is held by a whole community of people.
We need systems solutions to systems problems, lots of different people each carrying their own little piece of the puzzle contributing to something larger than themselves. I have come across several groups around Melbourne who are each interested in similar themes around deep ecology, spirituality, social justice and compassion. Who each want to transform the human story, to walk with the Earth not on it and are engaged in deeply personal journeys of inquiry.
I long to bring all these groups together but I’m biding my time, I don’t know whether I need to create a new vehicle or whether it already exists and I just need to jump on the bandwagon. It’s not clear what the Earth wants of me, my heart is open and ready, we will create the path as we walk it.
I’m hearing ya. I think having a default position of just living mindfully and ecocentrically is enough, as a general rule. But having a burning fire within for change in the world is also great. Tend it with compassion for self, though. Burnout is unhelpful. If I were you if seriously consider joining a group and enjoying the mutual care.
Yes I would love to join a group but need to find the right one. I’m all for mutual care!
You’re speaking my language! I totally hear you! I struggle with the tension between what could be and what it, and as best I can, use it as the impetus for creating my vision. And the balance between what wants to emerge and what the fire in our belly has us feeling drawn to do is another tricky one. Co-creation is where it’s at. What about inviting a gathering of the groups and see what emerges?
I don’t quite feel ready for that, maybe after the urban songlines weekend at CERES.
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I resonate with so much that you have written here. 🙂
I relate to the sense of being in that place of knowing something’s coming, but not yet being able to glimpse exactly what it is. It’s comparatively easy to pursue purpose when the channel/mechanism already exists. It’s waaaaay harder to do when your purpose involves creating something new. I suspect that’s the case with you. The “delivery system” (to use Bill Plotkin’s term) for your gift does not yet exist. It seems to me that the important thing is to step into and inhabit the energy of what’s emerging, which you are clearly doing with great presence.
Your post does raise a couple of questions. First, is there something you need to let go of in order to move forward? Is there something that needs to die before the new work can be born? I’m speaking of completions.
Second, why do you want to gather these different groups together? To what end? It seems there’s something in you that believes the work they are doing on their own is insufficient. What is it that’s lacking?
Those are great questions. My personal life is undergoing some seismic shifts at the moment. It may well be that things on that front need to settle before I am, able to ground something new.
What drives me is my desire for a spiritual community. I want to be able to share the journey with others and I need that support to keep me on track. The groups I’ve come across are loose and sporadic. They aren’t missing anything as such, it’s just that I want more!